A couple hours ago I was hugging and kissing my family goodbye after spending a wonderful Easter Sunday afternoon together. I was dropping my car off at the mechanic, putting my keys in the shop’s designated drop box, and getting into my Godfather’s car as he would be taking me home.

A couple hours ago we sat in the parking lot of my apartment complex, talking in that venting style that we do where we get angry on the other’s behalf and always try to end the exasperated sigh with a laugh.

A couple hours ago…that was when we heard the first shot fired.

It was so intensely loud that we thought a car or something had blown up. The sound rippled toward us, gripped our faces and forced us to turn toward the source. We saw him holding a shotgun. We saw him fire two more shots. That’s when I ducked and hugged the automatic car’s gear shift as though it were the Holy Grail because I was too scared to pray to Jesus just then. What if the gunman heard me?

I don’t know what my Godfather was doing because I was so focused on bracing myself for whatever was going to happen next. What if the gunman came after us? My Godfather and I went from family members to eye witnesses the moment he fired the first shot. I’ve never been so scared.

My life did not flash before my eyes. There wasn’t time. When the gunman got back into his car and was out of sight, my courageous Godfather sped out of that parking lot (in the opposite direction) like a bat out of hell. He whispered to me gently to put my seatbelt on. I had already forgotten that I had just been about to get out of the car when the gunshots came.

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I’ve lived in this apartment complex for two years. It’s only been since the beginning of 2014, when the rent increased to over $700 a month, that bad neighbors moved in. It’s only been recently that we’ve been hearing gunshots almost every weekend and sometimes one night during the week. I thought paying a higher rent meant that the “quality” of your neighbors improved. If that’s the case, what amount do I need to pay in order to feel safe enough to come home?

I can’t deal with this anymore. I can’t cope with being woken up some nights at 2-3am because of gunshots. I can’t cope with the fact that this neighborhood was just fine and, under new management, some of the newer residents have brought drug, gang, and gun problems with them. I don’t live in an “inner city” or some place like Compton. I have to get out of this complex.

There’s just one small problem…. I’m unemployed. With no income I don’t know how much rent I can afford to pay – whether living on my own or even with a roommate.

A friend suggested that I get out of my lease because it’s no longer a safe environment. Great idea, but see previous paragraph.

I cashed in a 401k so I could pay May and June rent until my lease is up mid-July. The thought occurred to me that I could use this money for rent elsewhere if I were able to get out of my current lease. However, then I’ve just signed a new lease at a certain price that I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to meet come July/August.

I need a job. I need money. I need to get out of this place. I need to feel safe. I need to be able to invite people over to my home without concern for their safety. I need peace of mind. I need less stress. I need this problem resolved. I need to put the minds of my family and friends at ease. I need to put my own mind at ease. I need sleep.

I need a miracle.