Tag Archives: unemployed

How Far Outside The Box Should I Be Thinking?

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. After 6 months of exhaustive job seeking, you realize that something about your approach, style, or whatever needs to change because…whatever you’re doing? Yeah, it isn’t working.

The problem in this realization is that there’s nothing specific that leaps at you, flamboyantly screaming, “change me!” The other problem is that this is maybe the 10th time you’ve had this realization.

See, it doesn’t take long before you realize you’re not getting any leads, responses, interviews, etc. Around your 2nd month in, you’ll start to be a little more creative, do a little more research, but – let’s face it – you’re still pretty cocky at this point. I mean, Rome wasn’t built in a day, amirite?

The 3rd and 4th months, respectively, are a little more humbling. By now your level of research is intensive, you’ve changed your resume, tweaked your cover letter, read countless articles on what you should or shouldn’t be doing, but you still have hope. There’s that special job out there that’s meant for just me, right?

Approaching the 6th month mark of the unemployment beast you’re in such a state of heightened paranoia that you’re almost hesitant to submit your resume anywhere. You start having “strategy” sessions with close friends or family to see if there are opportunities somewhere that you might have overlooked and all the while Jack Bauer’s fucking clock is counting down in the background – DUNDUN! DUNDUN!

You’ve run out of the creative and eloquent responses to employer questions and, in your head, are sounding a lot more flippant and sarcastic. It’s a lot harder to refrain from the brute honesty of telling a company you really want to work for them because time is running out and I swear I won’t fuck this up if you just give me a chance.

Some job profiles require you to list skills that you have, how many years experience in each skills, and whether you consider yourself at a beginner, intermediate, advanced, or expert level in said skill. They never have drop down options for these – they’re just supposed to all come from you. I know they want these to be job related, but it’s just so damned tempting to include skills like “Tea Making: Level Expert” or “80s Sitcom Theme Songs: Level Advanced”. I feel like these are a more accurate portrayal of who I am.

Of course, I try to tailor these to the job description, but sometimes you’re at a loss. Just today I applied for a data entry position that required “good hand/eye coordination”….how does one test for this? Should I tell them I can pat my head and rub my tummy at the same time? Does that count? If so, what level would this be considered – beginner, intermediate, or advanced?

Ah it’s all fun and games until someone gets evicted – which is a very real possibility come July that is too frightening for me to dwell on. But everything has a way of working itself out, everything happens for a reason, it ain’t over til the fat lady sings, yada yada yada…. I’m sure that the 21 job searches I have saved across 7 different job boards (including my state’s Department of Workforce Services) will turn up something for me soon, right? ….RIGHT?!

I just think that if you change who you are too many times that eventually you’ll lose sight of who you were meant to be.

Tedium and Bureaucracy

Posted in Job Hunting by

The last job I had was slowly sucking my will to live. My mom, who is in a very different profession, was in a similar situation. Surely you’ve been there before: getting through a tough phone call, case, project, etc. and looking up to see that your reward is only 5 minutes have passed on the clock; you doodle on notepads to keep yourself from beating your head on your desk and distracting other coworkers; and most of your shift is wondering how you ever came to this place so far away from your dreams.

So we created a game of drawing bunnies.

On our worst days it was more frequent, but the idea was that every hour that passed, you got to add another part to your bunny (think hangman only cuter, fluffier, and more creative). Hour 1: draw head, hour 2: draw right ear, hour 3: draw left ear – you get the idea. As I mentioned, some days were worse than others and so the bunny limbs were added more frequently as a way to distract our minds from planning the escape from our cubicles. At the end of the day we would discuss our bunnies:

“Hi, how are you?”

“Today my bunny was a pirate with a hat and a peg leg and a sword!”

“Awesome! My bunny was on a beach far far away, sitting under an umbrella and drinking a lot of cocktails with little umbrellas in the glass”

It’s that moment when you realize you really just don’t give a shit about your job, the people involved, any part of it. Inevitably, in my case anyway, you end up losing said job and now you must begin the process of finding another job – and FAST!

Wouldn’t it be easier if job postings let you know up front if this particular job was going to be monotonous? or if that job posting was going to have you scrambling to make any kind of doctor or dentist visits just for an excuse to get away from the office? Why can’t the job postings just be real about the kind of job you’re applying for? I, for one, would appreciate the honesty because then I’d know right up front what I was getting myself into. Think about it!

This position requires sucking up to a lot of people richer than you are, fetching their coffees or their dry cleaning, but pays more than anything else you’ll find out there.

This position will make you want to gouge your eyes out with a spoon, but it does pay slightly better than fast food and we have casual Fridays.

Wouldn’t it be great?! You could share them more easily among unemployed friends and family, “Here, Betty, I saw this ad and thought it suited you perfectly! You’ll be able to read a book while pretending to care about your job and it says you’ll make enough to afford living slightly better than in a refrigerator box on the corner!” I can see the commercial now with said individual thanking her thoughtful friend and flashing the camera a bright smile.

I think if we all knew what we were getting into, what we were getting out of, and what we could get away with, when it comes to job hunting that the world would be a much better place and we wouldn’t all be so frantic about climbing the corporate treadmill. You do know that doesn’t actually get you anywhere, right?

A Couple Hours Ago

Posted in Job Hunting by

A couple hours ago I was hugging and kissing my family goodbye after spending a wonderful Easter Sunday afternoon together. I was dropping my car off at the mechanic, putting my keys in the shop’s designated drop box, and getting into my Godfather’s car as he would be taking me home.

A couple hours ago we sat in the parking lot of my apartment complex, talking in that venting style that we do where we get angry on the other’s behalf and always try to end the exasperated sigh with a laugh.

A couple hours ago…that was when we heard the first shot fired.

It was so intensely loud that we thought a car or something had blown up. The sound rippled toward us, gripped our faces and forced us to turn toward the source. We saw him holding a shotgun. We saw him fire two more shots. That’s when I ducked and hugged the automatic car’s gear shift as though it were the Holy Grail because I was too scared to pray to Jesus just then. What if the gunman heard me?

I don’t know what my Godfather was doing because I was so focused on bracing myself for whatever was going to happen next. What if the gunman came after us? My Godfather and I went from family members to eye witnesses the moment he fired the first shot. I’ve never been so scared.

My life did not flash before my eyes. There wasn’t time. When the gunman got back into his car and was out of sight, my courageous Godfather sped out of that parking lot (in the opposite direction) like a bat out of hell. He whispered to me gently to put my seatbelt on. I had already forgotten that I had just been about to get out of the car when the gunshots came.

*********

I’ve lived in this apartment complex for two years. It’s only been since the beginning of 2014, when the rent increased to over $700 a month, that bad neighbors moved in. It’s only been recently that we’ve been hearing gunshots almost every weekend and sometimes one night during the week. I thought paying a higher rent meant that the “quality” of your neighbors improved. If that’s the case, what amount do I need to pay in order to feel safe enough to come home?

I can’t deal with this anymore. I can’t cope with being woken up some nights at 2-3am because of gunshots. I can’t cope with the fact that this neighborhood was just fine and, under new management, some of the newer residents have brought drug, gang, and gun problems with them. I don’t live in an “inner city” or some place like Compton. I have to get out of this complex.

There’s just one small problem…. I’m unemployed. With no income I don’t know how much rent I can afford to pay – whether living on my own or even with a roommate.

A friend suggested that I get out of my lease because it’s no longer a safe environment. Great idea, but see previous paragraph.

I cashed in a 401k so I could pay May and June rent until my lease is up mid-July. The thought occurred to me that I could use this money for rent elsewhere if I were able to get out of my current lease. However, then I’ve just signed a new lease at a certain price that I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to meet come July/August.

I need a job. I need money. I need to get out of this place. I need to feel safe. I need to be able to invite people over to my home without concern for their safety. I need peace of mind. I need less stress. I need this problem resolved. I need to put the minds of my family and friends at ease. I need to put my own mind at ease. I need sleep.

I need a miracle.